yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
