literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
