I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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