I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just found a bag of teeth...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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