my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
