So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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