no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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