i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
