I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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