...so i touched it.
too bad you live with your parents still
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
