Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
