I wannas sexs uuuuu
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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