if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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