This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
