Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
