She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
