If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
