i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
