Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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