I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
