i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
