I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
