it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
