Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
