I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
