dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
