I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
