I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize