I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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