his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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