I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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