i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
