i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
