and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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