Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
