You really coming over, don't trick.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
