NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
