It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
