why didn't you poke me back
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
