burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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