Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
