The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
