So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
