It was confusing and full of hummus
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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