Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
