oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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