So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
