I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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