Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize