That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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