??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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