I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
