I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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