If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
