You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
