Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
When are your genitals available?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
