I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
