Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
