That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
