You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
