Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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