hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
