I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
zippers are such a cool invention
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
