very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
