I can't watch pbs sober anymore
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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