There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
