home. puking in laundry basket.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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