oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm too high and old for this...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
