My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
