I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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