It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
