Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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