Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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