I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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