You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
