I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
