So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
