actually, I'm a sock model
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
