I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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