chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you had me at cake vodka
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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