if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
