I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
