her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
