I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
