I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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